Tvindy

Singled Out

I attended the U of O version of Singled Out. I competed in two rounds for a prize eighteen-year-old girl and dinner at the Olive Garden, but, needless to say, I didn't win either girl. (I did bring home a fabulous lint roller as a concession prize, though.) In the first round, I was eliminated in the category of phobias. The three choices were spiders & bugs, commitment, and heights. I chose heights, and that did me in. (Apparently, fear of commitment or of bugs is more desirable in a man.) In the second round, I lasted a bit longer but was ultimately done in by my haircut. The three choices were shaggy, clean cut, and military cut. Inexplicably, the girl eliminated all the clean cut guys. So here I am home alone in my dorm room. How tragic for me. Although some might argue that I really have no business dating anyone born after the Reagan administration.

In other news, I continue playing with my new netcam. It looks as though most of my readers are not as enthused by it as I am, but I'll continue with my little experiments anyway, and some of them will be blogged. I was hoping to eventually put up a feed of the interior of my room over a 24-hour period, so people could watch me studying and blogging and sleeping throughout the day. But aparently no one is interested enough to make it worthwhile.

Today I learned how to use the motion sensor. I aimed the camera out my window and had it shoot whenever it detected motion below. I got a lot of shots like this:

But in one frame I discovered a surprise visitor:

Netcam Blather

Judging from the dearth of congratulatory comments, it would appear that the netcam isn't quite as big a sensation as I had hoped. I'll be pointing it at various things over the next several days. Hopefully at least one will garner some interest. I have a lot of ideas, but the most intriguing one by far is to lower it out my window for a 24-hour live feed of the girl who lives underneath me. I could then see in her window and hopefully catch a booby or two. (There might be a rule against this, though, so I'll have to ask my RA for permission.) I'll leave the present feed up and running until I get up tomorrow afternoon, so everyone can watch the sun come up (which may be bit of a challenge, since my room faces west).

Netcam Fun

[This feed is no longer active.]

I've got a netcam! This entry is basically an experiment to see if I can integrate it with my blog. The above image of the view from my window is updated every fifteen minutes. You'll have to refresh the page to see subsequent versions, though. If you'd like a little window that you can put in the corner of your screen that updates automatically, you can go here. I'll leave it running for at least the next 24 hours. Enjoy.

Aquarium -- The Movie

Lately I've been experimenting more and more with my digital camera's video feature, especially since I recently found out here that Windows Service Pack 2 comes with its own free basic video editing software. I shot a few short clips at my last two visits to the aquarium and managed to put them together into a short film that's sure to win an award someday. With no further ado, here it is.

At the Aquarium

Back to the Aquarium

Today I was approached by a puffin.

More DVDs Than you Can Shake a Stick at

Yesterday I received 5 DVDs in the mail. That's because, in addition to my Netflix membership, I recently signed up for a free trial with Blockbuster. Normally that would only last two weeks, but I learned of a secret password here that extends this period to four weeks.

Besides the extra DVDs, the great thing about the Blockbuster trial is that it gives me an opportunity to finally rent the movies that Netflix has labeled "long wait" on my queue, meaning that it may be weeks before they let me have them. Blockbuster, for the most part, lets me get these same movies right away. (Netflix would too if I were a new customer.)

Another advantage is that I get to compare the two services. The first thing that impressed me about Blockbuster were the envelopes, which are more secure than Netflix's. About a third of the disks I get from Netflix are torn at the edge in a very suspicious manner. There is always just enough of an opening so that a postal worker could separate the paper and look in to see the title. I became convinced that this was actual tampering when I received an envelope with a much longer-than-usual tear. I noticed that the disk inside was upside down, meaning that the tear had to be extended to see the title. So far, I've never had a disk become lost in the mail, but it's probably just a matter of time. The Blockbuster envelopes make tampering a bit more difficult.

Where Blockbuster lost a lot of points with me was on my rental of the Battlestar Galactica miniseries. Unlike Netflix, Blockbuster lists it as spanning two DVDs. The first has the original run of four episodes on one side with special features on the other. The second disk, which counts as an additional rental on the three-out plan, has those same special features and nothing else. In other words, it's completely redundant! True, this isn't a huge tragedy for me. I've still got more DVDs out now than I know what to do with. But Netflix has never done anything quite that stupid to me.

I wonder what else awaits me on this epic four-week adventure.

Hail

It hailed yesterday.

Vomit and Cats

Orionoir's daughter's tale of vomit brought back memories. I was around ten. One night my parents went out to dinner with my brother and me. The restaurant was called Clara's (located on Madison Avenue in Muncie, Indiana -- just in case someone out there is googling it). I had a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs, followed by some sort of dessert. I don't remember anyone else's selections other than the fact that my mother ordered a daiquiri instead of dessert. I was intrigued. I didn't know one could drink a daiquiri. The only daiquiri in my experience had been the lime daiquiri-flavored ice cream at Baskin Robbins. Sensing my interest, she offered me a taste. I took what to me seemed like a reasonably sized sip from her straw, but she complained that I had finished off her drink. (I still find this hard to believe.)

On the way home, I started feeling sick to my stomach. I could feel the pressure of explosive diarrhea building up, and it was worsening. We lived on the other side of town, so it was a fairly long drive. As soon as the car stopped, I entered the house and rushed to the bathroom. I couldn't even run by that point; I just sort of stumbled in.

Once on the toilet, I was suddenly and unexpectedly seized by the most violent stomach contractions I have ever experienced. The spaghetti blew out of my mouth with the force of a fire hose. My mouth filled so fast that even my open mouth couldn't output the vomitus as fast as it was filling. (Recall the walrus scene in 50 First Dates.) Vomit was everywhere. It was disgusting! I had to get out of there.

I ran to our second bathroom and plunked myself down on the toilet only to have it happen a third time. I finished up my business and got out as fast as I could. Needless to say, my parents were not thrilled with the situation. Barely in the door, they found both bathrooms inundated with barely digested spaghetti and meatballs.

On the bright side, I was feeling much better. But I made it clear that I was in no condition after that horrible ordeal to clean up vomit. Heck, I didn't even know how to clean up vomit. (I still don't.) My mother had become cranky for some reason, but she immediately started the cleanup efforts with my father.

I didn't actually witness the cleanup because of a further complication. Our two cats, Domino and Chew Chew became convinced that my vomit was high quality cat food (either that or they really wanted to help with the cleanup). My parents had to close the doors to both bathrooms to prevent the cats from getting in, which meant they had to seal themselves in with the vomit. The two kitties planted themselves outside the bathroom in which my parents labored. Domino mewed piteously. Chew Chew was less vocal. She had on her fierce jungle cat face and was eyeing the door alertly as if it led into a room filled with mice.

For some reason, this situation increased the parental stress level. There was a lot of shouting going on. My mother was apparently annoyed that my father could never do anything right. My father was exasperated and explained repeatedly that he would be more than happy to clean up the vomit any way she wanted if she would just explain the procedure clearly.

There was occasional movement between the two bathrooms, since both needed to be cleaned and cleaning supplies had to be transported back and forth. Whenever a door opened, a cat would try to push its way in. Then both cats would run after the parental unit, stopping in front of their food dish and waiting expectantly, as if convinced that my father was going to drop in a couple scoops of vomit.

We never ate at Clara's ever again. A few years later it burned down. But, thanks to the ordeal, the restaurant will live on forever as part of the Swartz family history. (As will Baskin Robbins, but that is another another story.) We all suffered greatly that day, each in a unique way, but I think it was the cats who suffered the most.

Crater Lake

Originally I had planned to use a couple days of spring break to drive down to Crater Lake. I've never been, but my parents have. They both assure me that it's a must-see. This early in the year the weather there can be a bit iffy, but, when I woke up this afternoon and looked out the window, the weather here was beautiful:

I immediately went online and checked out the CraterCam to see how things looked there:

Keep in mind that both photos were generated within minutes of one another, and Crater Lake is just a few hours away. I really wouldn't mind the snow and cold weather, but the fact that the lake is barely visible would kind of detract from the experience. Half an hour later it looked like this:

Hmmm.

How to Blog

Ever since I started blogging, I've wanted to write a how-to guide for bloggers. I have lots of thoughts on the process, but, since I probably don't know any more about it than a million other bloggers, I'm holding off on that until the day I actually know what I'm talking about. In the meantime, Tony Pierce has written an excellent article on how to blog. My list would be a bit different, and I think it will be fun to comment on Tony's points. I'll take them one at a time:

1. write every day.

Yes.

2. if you think youre a good writer, write twice a day.

That's a recipe for burnout. If you've got two great topics, you're very fortunate. Choose one, and save the other for tomorrow. I try to write every day, but I never allow myself to post more than once a day.

3. dont be afraid to do anything. infact if youre afraid of something, do it. then do it again. and again.

Perhaps it would be better to just do it once and study the repercussions before repeating it.

4. cuss like a sailor.

Don't cuss at all for days on end, and then, all of a sudden, do it gratuitously just to prove you can.

5. dont tell your mom, your work, your friends, the people you want to date, or the people you want to work for about your blog. if they find out and you'd rather they didnt read it, ask them nicely to grant you your privacy.

I've found the opposite to be true. Tell everyone in your life about your blog, and no one will ever read it. Forbid them from reading it, and they'll never miss an entry.

6. have comments. dont be upset if no one writes in your comments for a long time. eventually they'll write in there. if people start acting mean in your comments, ask them to stop, they probably will.

Let them be mean to you, but don't put up with anyone who uses the comment space to insult your other readers.

7. have an email address clearly displayed on your blog. sometimes people want to tell you that you rock in private.

I really need to do that.

8. dont worry very much about the design of your blog. image is a fakeout.

Yes, at least at first. If you've been blogging for five years and still use the default template, then you're just being lazy.

9. use Blogger. it's easy, it's free; and because they are owned by Google, your blog will get spidered better, you will show up in more search results, and more people will end up at your blog. besides, all the other blogging software & alternatives pretty much suck.

I'm much happier with TypePad. (Does Google really do a better job of crawling Blogger sites?)

10. use spellcheck unless youre completely totally keeping it real. but even then you might want to use it if you think you wrote something really good.

Yes.

11. say exactly what you want to say no matter what it looks like on the screen. then say something else. then keep going. and when youre done, re-read it, and edit it and hit publish and forget about it.

Yes.

12. link like crazy. link anyone who links you, link your favorites, link your friends. dont be a prude. linking is what seperates bloggers from apes. and especially link if you're trying to prove a point and someone else said it first. it lends credibility even if youre full of shit.

It is possible to overdo this.

13. if you havent written about sex, religion, and politics in a week youre probably playing it too safe, which means you probably fucked up on #5, in which case start a second blog and keep your big mouth shut about it this time.

Does anyone out there really want me to blather on about sex?

14. remember: nobody cares which N*Sync member you are, what State you are, which Party of Five kid you are, or which Weezer song you are. the second you put one of those things on your blog you need to delete your blog and try out for the marching band. similarilly, nobody gives a shit what the weather is like in your town, nobody wants you to change their cursor into a butterfly, nobody wants to vote on whether your blog is hot or not, and nobody gives a rat ass what song youre listening to. write something Real for you, about you, every day.

Hey, those things are marginally interesting to me . . . sometimes. (But I won't stand for anyone who changes my cursor into a butterfly.)

15. dont be afraid if you think something has been said before. it has. and better. big whoop. say it anyway using your own words as honestly as you can. just let it out.

No.

16. get Site Meter and make it available for everyone to see. if you're embarrassed that not a lot of people are clicking over to your page, dont be embarrassed by the number, be embarrassed that you actually give a crap about hits to your gay blog. it really is just a blog. and hits really dont mean anything. you want Site Meter, though, to see who is linking you so you can thank them and so you can link them back. similarilly, use Technorati, but dont obsess. write.

Yep, check your stats occasionally, and see who's linking to you. Just don't do it more than once a week.

17. people like pictures. use them. save them to your own server. or use Blogger's free service. if you dont know how to do it, learn. also get a Buzznet account. several things will happen once you start blogging, one of them is you will learn new things. thats a good thing.

Pictures are good (unless they're of knitting).

18. before you hit Save as Draft or Publish Post, select all and copy your masterpiece. you are using a computer and the internet, shit can happen. no need to lose a good post.

Essential.

19. push the envelope in what youre writing about and how youre saying it. be more and more honest. get to the root of things. start at the root of things and get deeper. dig. think out loud. keep typing. keep going. eventually you'll find a little treasure chest. every time you blog this can happen if you let it.

I need to do this more.

20. change your style. mimic people. write beautiful lies. dream in public. kiss and tell. finger and tell. cry scream fight sing fuck and dont be afraid to be funny. the easiest thing to do is whine when you write. dont be lazy. audblog at least once a week.

Yes, audblog once a week. (If you do it, it might encourage me.)

21. write open letters. make lists. call people out on their bullshit. lead by example. invent and reinvent yourself. start by writing about what happened to you today. for example today i told a hot girl how wonderfully hot she is.

I tend to steer clear of wonderfully hot girls. (Or perhaps it's the other way around.)

22. when in doubt review something. theres not enough reviews on blogs. review a movie you just saw, a tv show, a cd, a kiss you just got, a restaurant, a hike you just took, anything.

Reviews are always good. Here's an example of a good one I read today.

23. constantly write about the town that you live in.

What if I never leave campus?

24. out yourself. tell your secrets. you can always delete them later.

Deleting entries is a sin. Besides, they'll just end up in the Google cache.

25. dont use your real name. dont write about your work unless you dont care about getting fired.

check

26. dont be afraid to come across as an asswipe. own your asswipeness.

An unwiped ass is the devil's plaything.

27. nobody likes poems. dont put your poems on your blog. not even if theyre incredible. especially if theyre incredible. odds are theyre not incredible. bad poems are funny sometimes though, so fine, put your dumb poems on there. whatever.

check

28. tell us about your friends.

Do I have to?

29. dont apologize about not blogging. nobody cares. just start blogging again.

Apologies aren't necessary, but it's nice to provide some sort of explanation for a longer-than-usual pause between posts. People worry, both about you and whether or not you plan to terminate the blog.

30. read tons of blogs and leave nice comments.

And you might think about using an RSS aggregator to help keep track of them all.

if you're going to ripoff/mimic/be inspired by one blogger make it raymi, shes perfect.

Does she have boobies? (embracing my inner asswipe)